I'm a kind of person who cherishes her loneliness. I grew up alone with my grandmother in a big house, a two story with several bedrooms. We were a big family and I was the last child for at least 6 years. Why was I alone then? Because both my parents had full time job and my two elder brothers where at the age of university when I was about five years old.
I did play all day. My grandmother was a quiet person and she probably believed its useless to talk to a child instead of an adult. So she would sit quietly in the balcony every day and smoked her long cigar. I sat next to her in complete silence and watched the smokes vanishing in the air and imagined their ghostly shapes dancing in the sun beams flowing on our heads .
She wasn't ignorance of my basic needs though. She would pleasantly offer me a glass of water when I was thirsty and she would have never forget my supper or snacks. But sometimes I wonder if I would be a fun person or simply more social today if she played a game or two with me. I'm not the kind of person people wish to spend a lot of time with. When everything is going smoothly with someone, somehow I manage to put a barrier in our relationship (unintentionally of course). I can not stand anyone even my closest friends, to fill my loneliness for without it I'd be lost. I enjoy me time more than anything. Even now that I have a kid and I'm a full time mom, I spend my days playing with my son joyfully but also waiting eagerly for those quiet moments of nights.
I don't blame my grandmother for this. Maybe no one played with her either while growing up.
Instead I created imaginary friends. Cool friends whom we went to an adventure together. We ventured through wild seas, discovered new islands, climbed the highest mountains and risked our precious lives. We even risked our freedom and got in jail, which of course we escaped eventually. But it wasn't always unrewarding. We found so many treasures .
I was creating all these adventure based on the books I'd read or the movies I'd seen. After a while I was confident enough to share these stories with my cousins and friends who came visit.This made me a great playmate. I was the one whom they always wanted to play with. I was the master and the game planner. I was the storyteller...after all this is what I've always wanted to be and still working on it today.
I did play all day. My grandmother was a quiet person and she probably believed its useless to talk to a child instead of an adult. So she would sit quietly in the balcony every day and smoked her long cigar. I sat next to her in complete silence and watched the smokes vanishing in the air and imagined their ghostly shapes dancing in the sun beams flowing on our heads .
She wasn't ignorance of my basic needs though. She would pleasantly offer me a glass of water when I was thirsty and she would have never forget my supper or snacks. But sometimes I wonder if I would be a fun person or simply more social today if she played a game or two with me. I'm not the kind of person people wish to spend a lot of time with. When everything is going smoothly with someone, somehow I manage to put a barrier in our relationship (unintentionally of course). I can not stand anyone even my closest friends, to fill my loneliness for without it I'd be lost. I enjoy me time more than anything. Even now that I have a kid and I'm a full time mom, I spend my days playing with my son joyfully but also waiting eagerly for those quiet moments of nights.
I don't blame my grandmother for this. Maybe no one played with her either while growing up.
Instead I created imaginary friends. Cool friends whom we went to an adventure together. We ventured through wild seas, discovered new islands, climbed the highest mountains and risked our precious lives. We even risked our freedom and got in jail, which of course we escaped eventually. But it wasn't always unrewarding. We found so many treasures .
I was creating all these adventure based on the books I'd read or the movies I'd seen. After a while I was confident enough to share these stories with my cousins and friends who came visit.This made me a great playmate. I was the one whom they always wanted to play with. I was the master and the game planner. I was the storyteller...after all this is what I've always wanted to be and still working on it today.
